11 Things You Should Give Up To Make Your Marriage Work – Relationship Expert
11 things you should give up to make your marriage work. Giving up to get more is my new mantra. Whether its our personal finances or marriage there are often things we must absolutely give up to get the results we desire.
It is estimated that half of all marriages end in divorce.
Whether you’re a newly wed or in a second marriage, the same success principles apply. Often, there are things you will need to “give up” in order to be successful in marriage.
11 Things You Should Give Up
1. Give Up Dwelling On The Past
Whether it’s a past relationship or childhood hurts or pains leave it all behind. Dwelling on the past will only hurt you and your partner.
It threatens really living in the present and it threatens a happy future together. A marriage is hard enough as it is without constantly referring back to a past argument or worse childhood hurts that keep manifesting themselves.
Find a way to deal with the past by embracing forgiveness and gratitude.
2. Give Up Thinking Love Is A Noun. It’s Actually A Verb.
We often treat love like a noun. It’s an experience that happened. A moment. A thing. It is not a fireworks feeling or a field of flowers.
It’s an action. A verb. It’s not just about choosing the right person; it’s about becoming the right person, the type of person. Get prepared to work hard in a marriage – really hard.
3. Give Up Thinking Your Spouse Is The Only One That Needs To Change
There are two reasons in why you think your spouse is the only person in the relationship that needs to change.
Both of these reasons hinge on self serving actions that have no place in a marriage.
You want to see your spouse become more like you or replicate your actions,You think your marriage exists to meet solely your needs.
Instead of thinking that your spouse is the one who needs changing, start thinking about the benefit of having two perspectives.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to see your spouse change and grow. If your spouse is abusive or has addictions or aggressive behaviors – that has no place in a marriage (and that’s a different matter altogether). Outside of those reasons, everything else is a compromise.
11 Things You Should Give Up
4. The Need To Be Right
But I’m right and he’s wrong! Why can’t he just acknowledge that? I get so frustrated when I know something to be true, yet someone doesn’t believe me or disagrees.
But more often than not, the discussion is about something that doesn’t really matter in the long run.
11 Things You Should Give Up
5. Give Up Criticism
Give up the need to criticize every little thing your partner does or doesn’t do and instead start appreciating those many things that made you fall in love with this person in the first place.
Seek to praise not to criticize. Keep in mind that you attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.
6. Give Up Your Jealous Behavior
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”
The root cause of jealousy is insecurity. Work on letting go of your insecurities and you will immediately understand the futility of a jealous behavior. You will immediately give jealousy up.
7. Dump Friends Who Won’t Want You To Stay Married.
Sorry, but that friend of yours who says, “He’s no good for you, you’ll be better off alone” is bad for you, and bad for your family.
11 Things You Should Give Up
Unless your partner is abusive, if you’re committed to fixing your relationship, you cannot have anyone in your life who trash-talks your partner.
Cultivate relationships with people who see what’s good about your spouse, and hang out with other couples who are happy and successful.
8. Give Up Unfaithfulness.
Affairs destroy many marriages. If you can’t resist someone outside of your marriage, be honest with everyone and end the marriage first.
9. Give Up Controlling Each Other.
When two dynamic individuals interact in a relationship, it is inevitable for them to have clashing perspectives and value system.
What is necessary here is a sweet balance between individuality and conformity. If you always stick to your own ideas, principles and values strictly disregarding the other person’s opinions, you are simply being toxic in the marriage.
11 Things You Should Give Up
10. Say More Nice Things.
This seems so obvious, but it often takes a huge amount of effort. Dr. John Gottman suggests that happy marriages have a ratio of five good interactions to one bad one, and science backs that up.
So say nice things. Say them whenever they come to you, even if you’re feeling resentful. Does he look good in that shirt? Tell him.
Does she have a way with words that you really love? Say it out loud. Touch your spouse’s arm or hand in a way they like.
11. Treat Your Spouse Better Than You Treat Anyone Else.
Have you heard the expression “familiarity breeds contempt?” The unfortunate truth is that people tend to treat their spouses worse than they treat strangers. Retrain yourself to give your spouse the utmost respect.
11 things you should give up to make your marriage work. Leave your comment on the comments section.
