Why It’s Important To Apologize In A Relationship – Relationship ExReasons
Why it’s important to apologize in a relationship. Many people have complicated feelings about apologies, and not all of our thoughts and feelings about apologies line up.
Some of us were forced to apologize as children when we hurt someone, and some of us apologized freely and felt immediately better after having done so.
Some people feel shamed by apologizing while others feel ashamed until we have done so. While a popular movie from decades ago declared that “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” many relationship experts warn that never apologizing in a relationship is a sure way to risk losing it.
1. Rehabilitate an individual, resolve conflicts, and restore social harmony.
While an apology cannot undo the harmful effects of past actions, paradoxically, if done sincerely and effectively, this is precisely what an apology manages to do.
When an apology is sincere and meaningful and received as the gift that it is and reciprocated by the gift of forgiveness, it is nothing short of a miracle.
2. Rebuild trust.
When our own behavior is offensive, inconsiderate, or hurtful the recipient of our behavior grows wary of us.
apologize in a relationship
Whether they realize it consciously or not, they feel they must be on guard. They no longer feel as relaxed around us and may even feel that they can no longer trust us.
If an apology is not forthcoming, this feeling of wariness and distrust will grow. It’s one thing to hurt another person, but it’s another thing entirely to either not be aware that we have hurt them or to not care.
If this occurs at the beginning of a relationship it may influence whether the relationship continues or not. If the relationship is already an established one, it may add to a growing sense of alienation and resentment.
3. Heal shame.
The act of apology is not only beneficial to the person receiving it, but to the one giving it as well.
The debilitating effects of the remorse and shame we can feel when we’ve hurt another person can eat away at us until we become emotionally and physically ill.
By apologizing and taking responsibility for our actions, we help rid ourselves of esteem-robbing shame and guilt.
4. Choosing relationship over being right
When difficulties arise in a relationship, it’s a natural human instinct to want to assign blame. If the other person is in the wrong, then we can gloat in the satisfaction of being right.
It’s easy to dive into the deep end of the pool of self-righteousness. It takes emotional maturity to prioritize the health of the relationship over the ego-feeding need to be right.
Apologizing for the pain and difficulty of the current situation, even if you didn’t cause it, shows you place a higher value on the other person than you do on the need to be right.
apologize in a relationship
5. Lose the battle to win the war
You need to have a long-range perspective when it comes to relationships. There are going to be lots of battles (e.g., differences of opinion, conflict, etc.) in our relationships at home and work, and we’d die of exhaustion if we fought tooth and nail to prove ourselves right in every instance.
Sometimes it’s better to lose the battle and apologize even when you’re right, for the sake of winning the bigger war (e.g., maintaining peace, completing the project, etc.).
6. Accepting Responsibility
This Apology Language acknowledges that you are aware of what you did wrong. “I am sorry, it was wrong of me not to call you when I knew our meeting was going to run late.”
Your partner wants to hear that you understand your role in contributing to his or her hurt feelings, and only saying “I am sorry” can leave your partner asking, “Exactly what are you sorry for? Or are you only sorry that you are now having to deal with more conflict?
apologize in a relationship
7. Requesting Forgiveness
With this apology language, your partner wants to hear you say, “I am sorry, and will you please forgive me?” Your partner will feel that you are sincere when you acknowledge your need for forgiveness and relay how important it is to you that your partner forgives you.
An underlying rule for any Apology Language is to avoid a but at the end of the apology. You may also have had your feelings hurt, but an apology is not the time to seek restitution for any pain you are feeling.
A but immediately negates and takes away from the apology you have just given, and no matter how sincere the apology, your partner will be sensitized to your inability to focus and address his or her hurt feelings.
8. Genuinely Expressing the Desire to Change Your Behavior
The important piece to this apology is reassurance that it will not happen again. Your apology should dictate how you intend to keep this transgression from being repeated in the future. Without this, any apology will feel insincere to your partner.
9. Apologizing first helps you avoid becoming passive aggressive.
Allow yourself to be guided by sincerity and reflection. Apologizing first after a disagreement enables you to live assertively and act from your strength.
Too often when we make mistakes, or a fight occurs, we suppress the anger and guilt and allow them to fester.
These twin thieves of our peace create a slowly erupting volcano of discomfort within. We find ourselves making passive aggressive comments, acting frustrated and annoyed as a way to release the mounting pressure. Turn the passive aggressive behavior into direct action–it’s long overdue.
10. You realised you were wrong.
When you hurt someone, however unintentionally, remorse and regret follow. Don’t become paralyzed by your regret.
Never hold back from offering an apology you know you should give. You assume the other person would never want to speak to you again, but what if your apology sets you both free.
11. Saying sorry when you had a fight or are at fault makes you feel better and forgiveness is always the best form of love.
apologize in a relationship
apologize in a relationship
Sometimes you say ‘sorry’ a million times and say ‘I love you’ as much as you want but there is no use of the same if you don’t prove that the things you say are true, because if you can show it your words really don’t mean a thing.
Sometimes apologizing is the most difficult thing on this planet, but remember that it is the best and priceless thing to save a very expensive gift called ‘relationship’
12. Sometimes saying sorry to each other is very important, it is the truest aspect of true relationship in the real sense.
If you are in a true relationship and you had a fight with your partner, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is but saying sorry will make you feel better and loved.
Apologizing doesn’t always mean that you are wrong and other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.
Ego has no place in a true relationship; it is always ‘WE’ rather than ‘ME’ in a perfect relationship.
It good to say sorry first because for every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of your life’s happiness.
Even the best of friends makes mistakes and has misunderstandings sometimes but a sweet sorry makes everything better.
apologize in a relationship
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