The problem of finance and home management, Perhaps apart God and love, finance and home management are two major success factor in marriage. The institution of marriage like any other institution need money to make it work. According to Ola Akinkunmi, The couple is coming together to form or establish home, and the home had to be run, maintained and managed; the ingredients to do this three principal activities is Money, even though the focus of the couple should not be on how much money is available to run the new home, however to ignore an appropriate level of income needed to take care of critical Issues in the home is to give room for the enemy.
As a marriage counselor, I always encourage would be couple to ensure that they have reasonable means of livelihood before marriage no matter how little. To go into marriage without any source of income from either the any man or his spouse is to intentionally go into hardship, frustration, pains and unnecessary stress. While the issue is not how rich the couple must be before marriage, but how to maintain the home with at least a sustainable level of income. It amounts to a wrong spiritual approach for unemployed couples to go into marriage believe God for a miracle.
In the first instance, marriage is not a forced association that is time bound. The couples are at liberty to wait, and get prepared before going to marriage.
Let me share this testimony with my readers; I met my wife as an undergraduate in a federal University, I waited for her for four years to enable her complete her education, go to the youth service program, and then secured a job.
Today I thank God for taking that decision. She had been tremendously supportive in managing the home, thereby giving me the leverage to engage in most of my activities.
Probable scenario that may confront a new couple in the areas of finance and home management
- The spouses are both jobless and have no source of income;
This is a very difficult situation especially for believers. To start a home at the Mercy of donors, parents, friends and Even the church is creating Access road to the devil.
Nevertheless when such a scenario occurs, the couple should concerntrate all their efforts in getting a Job or sustainable source of income by both or at least anyone of them. The man has a greater responsibility in this regard, and should take the bull by the horn, go out and find something to do that can bring in regular income no matter how small. This should take priority over Child bearing at this stage.
The couple should not spiritualize this problem, rather should face the reality of the situation, and look for something tangible to do to sustain the family.
- The spouses have jobs at the beginning but unfortunately, one of them looses his or her job, especially the man;
This is a peculiar problem in most Christian home today, and the devil has succeeded in using this to destabilize so many home. This is a new home that started well and everything was going on fine, then suddenly, the unexpected happened; the man who supposed to be the bread winner has just Lost his Job and the responsibility of caring for the financial needs of the new home falls on the young inexperience lady. This is a dangerous and difficult situation that is capable of destabilizing the new home if the couple allows the devil to have its way . In this circumstances, the couple needs a lot of prayers and understanding to survive.
Let us now discuss the roles each spouse is expected to play in this circumstances.
- The husband: here the man is advised not to loose focus by attributing his predicament to his wife. The devil may be suggesting this negative thought emphasizing that the wife’s bad luck was the cause of his joblessness. The man may be tempted to believe this insinuation, wondering why things will become Worse for him now that he is married. I must say that the reason is simply; the devil’s strategy is to make the word of God a lie. You remember concerning your marriage so many Ministers of God might have counselled you with such God’s word like; two are better than one; one will Chase a thousand and two will put ten thousand to flight. So Satan wants to make these words untrue in your marriage.
According to God’s word, marriage is a blessing and supposed to enrich the couple spiritually, physically and financially.
However, the devil will content this , because a Christian couple is a threat to his kingdom. Why? Whenever they decree a thing it shall be established according to God’s word. As believers, any time the husband agrees with his wife concerning any matter God will answer them. Furthermore these two people will bring forth godly offspring ( Children) , who in the nearest future will be a threat to his kingdom. To ensure that this divine assignment does not happen, the devil quickly comes in to disorganize and destabilize the new home before it becomes spiritually strong. And the easier and most potent weapon to carryout this wicked act Is to use economic/ financial lack and joblessness. So the man and the wife should take note of this strategy.
i. The man should adjust his life-style immediately, in line with the present reality. In this wise, the man should let his people realize and Know his present financial position. He should not leak the little income from his wife to his extended family members. This type of attitude will discourage his wife who may feel cheated. The man should remove his ego and let his dependants know his current financial status. At this stage it will be unfair to deplete the little resources on frivolous spending.
ii. The man should not be envious or jealous of his wife because of this reversal of roles rather he should appreciate her, after all he owns the woman.
iii. The man should expect some encroachment of his authority. The lack of financial power may reduce the scope of his authority. It is just natural and should accept it with faith.
iv. The man should refuse to accept his situation has he normal and not enjoy it while the woman is allowed to carry the burden, instead he should see it as a challenge and the test of his faith and therefore he should search for what to do to make him regain his position as the bread winner.
In the present scenario, where the wife suddenly become the breadwinner shortly after marriage, the woman is advised to follow these instructions;
i. The lady should see this condition as temporary, and Pray for it to change. Her present status today as the breadwinner of the family is contrary to God divine assignment for her in a home. While her husband is still alive. She is to be an assistant to her husband ( a help meet) , not a breadwinner. That is not her divine role. The man is the one ordained to provide for the family.
The world of God says if a man not if a woman. So the wife should see it as a challenge aganist the Divine purpose of God in her marriage.
i. The couple should see themselves as God sees them; that is, they are one. So if the two of them are now one, then it does not matter who is bringing Money to the family. It will not obstruct their relationship, the wife will still submit while the husband will still love.
ii. The couple must focus their eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. They should know that the target is the marriage and the one responsible is the devil. The couple should not personalize anything they have but submit it at the feet of each other.
iii. The couple should have deep knowledge and understanding of spiritual implication of their problem. The wife should understand that whatever she possesses in terms of money, materials, knowledge, anointing or power all belong to her husband. The owns the wife including everything she had. And God actually gives the wife the grace to make wealth because of the husband. So the woman should see her new status as a privilege and temporary divine assignment or role which must be played well all to the glory of God.